I dream. A lot.
Sometimes my dreams are random and weird: Running from dinosaurs, flying like Superman over the mountains, driving the wrong way on a one-way street, standing in front of my high school locker and I can't remember the combination (that one happens repeatedly?). Anyway, I dream about the "usual" while my eyes are closed . . . and I think nothing of it, most of the time.
But last night was different. It did not feel random. It felt REAL. So real that I thought I should write it down, so I can remember it. I feel like my inadequate words are too primitive to describe the vision/dream, because most of my dream was experienced through intense feelings -- that cannot be explained -- but I still want to record it, even in simple form. And though it is fairly personal, I feel prompted to share it, and so . . . I will.
I was standing in a hospital room. I felt good and whole, not injured or broken. I was not sure why I was there. I was surrounded by medical equipment, and it all felt very familiar -- like it was a hospital I had been to before. I was there, but I was confused. And then the doctor came in. He asked me if I was ready for the procedure. I told him, "No, but let's do it anyway." Still not knowing what was going on, I followed him into the operating room -- which strongly resembled the room that Henry was recently in -- except it was not Henry who was being operated on, it was me.
I was lying down on the hospital bed, plugged into medical equipment, and the doctor asked me to count to 10, so I obeyed. I made it to "4" and the next thing I knew . . . I was in another place. Another world.
The first thing I noticed was that I felt amazing. I felt light and weightless, and extraordinarily graceful. I was dressed in white, and I was beautiful. I was glowing, radiant, and light seemed to illuminate from my skin. It was a me I had never seen before, and certainly a me I had never felt before. I was free. I was pure. I was angelic.
I looked around and saw that I was in the most beautiful garden. I was standing in the middle of a huge grassy area, but along the edge of the circle of grass were trees and flowers of every size and color. The sun was glowing through marshmallow-like clouds, the air temperature was perfect, and the floral smell was overwhelmingly intoxicating.
I was so happy and so free, I began to dance. My flowing white dress was swooshing around me as I began twirling -- like Julie Andrews in the beginning of The Sound of Music. My hair was long and glorious and shimmering in the sunlight. I felt so free, so alive, so full of joy . . . a feeling beyond anything I have ever experienced in this life.
My mind was not cluttered. I felt strangely calm, and peaceful. There were no distractions, or the feeling of being rushed. I was not worried, or scared, or tempted. I was just me -- without any imperfection. Me. A beautiful, angelic, glorious, perfect, version of me. The me I wish I could be.
And then I realized, as I was spinning around freely . . . I was in Heaven.
I saw it in my sleeping-mind, as clear as any vision I have seen in the wake of day. I felt what Heaven would feel like. I experienced myself being there. I saw who I would be, who I could be. I felt the freedom that exists in the world beyond. I felt more alive than I have ever felt. I felt like I was home. Like I had finally reached that place of, "I'll be happy when." I did not want to leave. I was so content. I was perfectly free.
And then . . . I woke-up.
I felt heavy again. I could feel every ounce of my body pressing down on me -- like gravity was my enemy. All of my imperfections were still intact, and I was keenly aware of them. I was covered in milk that had leaked all over me in the night. I was having hot-and-cold chills, a sharp pain in my side, and Henry was begging me to feed him. My flowing-white dress was no where to be seen, and I certainly did not feel like dancing. (Curling-up in the fetal position sounds about right.)
I was back in reality and I felt it. My freedom was gone. Back to the earthly-grindstone for me.
I was left to ponder the Heavenly vision I had just beheld. My mind was fuzzy in the deep of the night, but I knew my dream was more than a dream. I was allowed to see and feel Heaven, for a very short while. I knew before in theory, but now I know for certain -- there is a place so beautiful and miraculous to behold, that I did not want to come back. I know that this life, with all it's trials, sorrows, pain, and adversity, is just a very short time -- in the Eternal scheme of things -- it is a small stepping stone to freedom. True freedom. If we are true and faithful, there is a place that holds joy beyond anything that you, or I, have ever experienced.
I was allowed to see, just for a moment . . .
There is dancing in Heaven.
And it is worth it -- all of it.
Never give up.
